In Pain, Yet holding on to live for the sake of her children’s future.

Interview with Domestic Violence survivor from Gira Gira Parish, Lamogi Sub county,Amuru District, Northern Uganda, East Africa. A Tale of endless suffering for single mothers who through thick and thin hold on to life for the sake of their children. I bring to you a single mothers in tears, hanging on tight to hope for a better tomorrow.

Reporter

Dear listener, I am Abalo Irene Otto for Voices for Peace. I am here at Olwal trading center in the market where people are selling. Let me sit close to this woman selling simsim. What is your name?

Ayet Nighty

My name is Ayet Nighty.

Reporter

Where do you stay?

Ayet Nighty

I stay in Gira Gira Parish.

Reporter

Is there domestic violence where you stay?

Ayet Nighty

Yes, domestic violence is there between men and women. It is the men who always bring the violence in the house because for us women, a man may marry you and you begin to work for your family but when the money begins to increase, instead of using it for development in the house, the man will marry another woman. That is abuse of my right because he picks our money and uses it on the other woman without my notice. He forcefully takes things from your house and takes it in the house of your co-wife.

For me, I am already back at our home for 16 years. I left my husband in 2002, and we have 6 children.

My husband brought another woman and he started taking things from my house forcefully to take to the house of my co.

He started paying for my co’s dowry without my notice and they said no one should let me know. When he finished paying, he again started picking my bed from my house, my chairs and bicycle to give to my co. He removed most of the things from my house and took it to my co.

I had to sleep in the same bed with my children. Then we started disagreeing and he beat me up and throw me on fire. I got badly burnt.

Then I found that the marriages was useless because it did not even bring enough money in our home. You know the marriage of those days, the house for your money had to be there for people at your home to love you but for me I have six children without a house for money from my marriage.

I separated with my husband and I am now home for 16 years. My girl, my first born dropped out of school and is now married. I’m struggling to pay school fees from the boy now, who should have sat S4, is still in S3. I started paying for him from P1 to senior. Now as I talk he sat for exams but the results have been detained at the school because I have not yet finished paying the school fees.

When he goes to his father, he never buys for him anything, not even a needle, book or a pencil for his son.

Some people advise me to report him for abusing the children’s rights but others say woven if I report him, there is no money that they can transfer for the children to use because he does not work.

He says he has divorced me and does not want me and my children. It is true that even when there are problems concerning the children, he does not come to attend to it.

I am worried of my other child’s education because he calls me crying on phone because of school fees. I struggle and pay the little I have but I don’t know.

Reporter

So what do you see always causes domestic violence that results into divorce like in your case?

Ayet Nighty

What causes domestic violence is, if you work and do agriculture together with your husband and he has finished your dowry and there is peace in the house, he should put you down and talk to you if he wants to add another wife.  If there is money and the things that you have worked for together, if he wants to bring another woman after the two of you discussing about it, it cannot cause domestic violence or divorce but if the money that you have worked for and your property is being used to marrying another woman, that is what leads to divorce.

He picked my things by force and used it to marry another woman and divorced me with my children. He has completely refused his own children and they are now growing up with my people at our home. But it is only the eldest one who is concentrating in school, the rest have become rebellious to me. You know, a woman’s teaching alone cannot raise a good child as expected of her.

My people have also said they cannot beat or train the children the way they should go because the children may take it that they are being mistreated. So my brothers do not beat the children or say anything on what they do.

Concerning education, my brothers said they cannot help me because they also have their own children in secondary schools which I do not mind because I know that it is difficult to get money to pay school fees in senior for their children and mine.

Reporter

So what has been the effect of the divorce on you and the children?

Ayet Nighty

They children are spoilt. When a child has only one parent, they become unruly. It is good that children are raised by both parents. The mother teaches what she can and the father also contributes on his part then the children will grow up disciplined but if it is only the mother, such children become unruly. Because if the child grows to a certain level, you cannot even beat to discipline, he may end up beating you instead.

It is goo that both parents should stay together and if you are a woman, whenever you go out with other men, you should know that you are the one destroying your marriage and if there is a man also going out with other women, they should know that it derails children from following their teachings.

Reporter

So what do you think should be done to prevent or stop domestic violence between men and women?

Ayet Nighty

I think they should begin arresting and imprisoning men who waste people’s time. Like the father of my children, when the children go to ask for money from them, he abuses them, he uses words on me that are not good for the children yet I am not there with him. He tells the children that I left because of my stupidity but up to now I do not reach where he is.

I left many things behind when we divorced. They have sold my five cows, my seven sacks of ground nuts that I had harvested were also sold and I never got even fifty shillings from it, a sack of beans, a sack of sim sim that he had bought for us to use, I had started selling it but I carried all the money and give it to him.

Because my father is rude, if you take anything from your marital home and chases you away to take them back. So I left without anything and now my co-wife used up all my things even the cows were sold and they wasted the money. The only things remaining are my household items that they are now using.

Reporter

What is your last message to the listener out there on domestic violence?

Ayet Nighty

Men should be arrested and imprisoned. If all people could listen to me, men who are properly taking care of their wife and children should be left alone but they should imprison those who are acting mad and leaving the responsibilities of children on the woman alone. That is why during the Kony war, some people would come and abduct or even kill people in their own homes because of the bitterness in their hearts for not being properly cared for by their parents.

So if the government learns that the man just wants to leave responsibilities on his wife, he should be arrested and imprisoned so that he can come out reformed. If there are women also who practicing prostitution are and yet the man has put such a woman in the house for a wife and is playing his roles in the marriage, such a woman should also be imprisoned. Imprisonment should be both sides so that people can learn.

If you are a man and you have worked together with your wife and the harvest is good but you decide to sell off things to marry another woman neglecting the children with your first wife leading to children growing up anyhow, that is why we have many thieves because they become big headed. The girls drop out of school and accept marriage at an early age. This has brought for u many problems now, imprisonment should be there for such people.

Reporter

Thank You.

Court forced to release GBV suspect due to fees demand

By

Abalo Irene Otto

Gulu Grade one magistrate’s court has today released a 44 year old man after his wife pleaded with court to release him from remand.

Francis Opira , a resident of Agula Jaka Parish in Lalogi Sub county in Omoro district was arrested and remanded at Gulu prison for assaulting and causing grievous bodily harm on his wife Christine Lamunu.

Court heard that the defendant engaged in a physical assault against his wife on 9^th December 2016 and caused her grevious harm that was proved by the doctors.

However, Court was today forced to release the suspect after the wife pleaded saying that the family needs her husband to provide for them and she cannot afford to pay school fees for their six children aged between 10 and 24 years of age.

Opira showed remorse before court and apologized to his wife.

Chelsea Biwaga, the presiding Grade one magistrate thus cautioned Opira not to commit the crime again.

Domestic Violence is contrary to section 4 of the Domestic violence act 2010.

Meanwhile Oyat Geoffrey the GBV Program Officer at GWED-G, a local women’s organization in Gulu that deals with domestic violence says that parenst have to consider that their instability in th house also affects their childrens’ concentration in class even when school fess is fully paid.

Cue ……Oyat Geoffrey on Domestic Violence……………….

Oyat advised parents to leave peacefully so that their children can excel at school.

SINGLE MOTHERS FORUM

This Soap reminds me of the burden of proof single mothers have to leave a man and decide to struggle for a better future for their children.

Single mothers have raised the great men and women of this world but when it comes to paying attention to their issues, things that touch their hearts and emotions, society always wants to blame them for being single or not being able to please their husbands even in abusive relationships to stay “married.”

I am particularly concerned about how fellow women do not support those single mothers who wake up and pray every morning for God to bless their children AND PROVIDE FOR THEIR NEEDS and the fathers of these children are swimming in luxury with their other wives caring less about whether these other children eat, dress, have descent shelter, go to school, name it.

Running to the Police Child and Family Protection Unit is more than hell for some of these mothers who have violent fathers to their children.

We say the world is in a dynamic thrust of development but how many of us who were raised by single mothers stop to think of their plight?

Our single mothers have gone through untold suffering and some have given up on the hope of ever having a meaning to life. But this can change, my dears.

We care so much about blaming them for what we don’t know but have we ever tried to put on the shoes of a single mother who never went to school and is crying to save the only land that she feeds and gets school fees for her children from because her brothers are blaming her fro not sticking to an abusive marriage?

Care to put a smile on the face of a single mother today. They deserve the medals that have never been realised for them.

Blessings to all the Single mothers and to those who will help give them a meaning to life, just by being kind and encouraging them.

Smiles and share my smiles to all who care.

I also read this please go through https://iwpr.net/global-voices/battle-child-welfare-northern-uganda-0

Gulu registers 408 case of child neglect since January.

Gulu district has registered over 408 Cases of child neglect in the district with Bardege and Layibi divisions having the highest rates coupled with domestic violence.

According to reports at Gulu Child and Family Protection Unit, most of the cases are reported by women who have very many children with a man but he leaves the woman to struggle to make ends meet with the children.

Moses Okidi, a police officer attached to Gulu Child and Family Protection Unit told our reporter that the burden of taking care of children has been left in the hands of women by most of the men who neglect the children after a domestic brawl.

He says domestic violence is the lead cause of child neglect in the district but advised couples to have self restrain and plan to have children so that they can raise them together. He fears for the future of such children who do not get full support, love and care from both parents.

He adds that the Child and Family Protection Unit has taken 73 cases to Gulu magistrate Court for child neglect with 52 cases being child desertion by mothers of young children who claim that they abandon the children because their fathers leave them with no child support.

Okidi says that it is very common for women and men in Gulu to have children but the women do not want to take care of children without support from their fathers.

“Child Desertion is very common. Women in Gulu do not want to keep children whose fathers’ are not giving them child support. Some just abandon the children at home others want to even abandon the children with us here “Says Okidi.

Harriet Amono, 32 years and a resident of Laliya told our reporter from Gulu Central Police that her husband abandoned her about a year ago with their 8 children without food, rent or school fees for the children.

She adds that he left her after borrowing a loan of 800,000 shillings from a bank in Gulu last year but has failed to pay back and the bank is now demanding that she pays the money because she was photographed by the loan officer while in the house with her husband yet she did not know the motive behind the photo which was used as her consent without her knowledge.

“He left m with the children in a rented house after getting the loan that I did not know of. Now the bank is saying that they will imprison or take over my house which I built in the land y sister gave me. My husband did not tell me about the loan. He just went away leaving me with the children and when I leant that h was staying with another woman in town I looked for him to support the children in vain,” Says the mother who has a one year old sick child in her hands.

Amono is still perusing a case of child neglect at Gulu Child and Family Protection Unit while she worries about the bank taking over her property in the land that was given to her by her elder sister after she failed to pay rent of 60,000/= and was thrown out of the house by the land lord.

Amono says she will persevere and encouraged other women not to neglect their children to suffer in their absence since the love of mother natures a child to a better person in future.

Councilor caution parents against negligence

The LC1 Chairperson of Layibi Central Sub ward has cautioned parents against neglecting their children and those under their care.
While speaking to Gulu FM, Mego Rose Alunyu said the number of street children in Gulu is on the rise because most parents and guardians have neglected their duties.
Her call comes at a time when Gulu is being overwhelmed by the ever increasing number of wander children.
Mrs. Rose also said her area will soon embark on the construction of a community road along Pece Lane and urged those living in swampy areas to evacuate in time to avoid being inconvenienced.
She also appealed to the community to be vigilant on security matters and avoid playing loud music at night.

BEER SALES DECLINED

I am happy that Ugandans are beginning to make use of their lives but not wasting away over drinking forgetting about productive work and taking care of their families.The way people compete drinking beer and spending all they earn then suffer at the end of the day, domestic and economic violence coming in, children’s rights being abused.Alcohol abuse has had a great (negative) impact on the lives many of Ugandans who unfortunately think they are enjoying by absconding other responsibilities.Invest elsewhere to get more taxes from what improves rather than retards productivity of Ugandans.

“ARCHBISHOP OF THE FARMILY”

The Democratic Party president Norbert Mao has today at St. Phillips Cathedral in Gulu, branded retired Archbishop of Church of Uganda – His Grace Henry Luke Orombi as the “Archbishop of the family” for his unending quest in protecting families.

Speaking during the Archbishop’s farewell visit as the Archbishop of Church of Uganda to the believers in northern Uganda, Mao praised the retired Archbishop for his gracious leadership legacy.

In an effort to preserve maternal health of expectant-mothers, the retired Archbishop today donated 100 mosquito nets to the Diocese of northern Uganda which will be distributed later to the targeted group.

Installation of the new Archbishop is expected to take place on 16th December at St. Paul’s Cathedral, Namirembe. His grace, the retired Archbishop Henry Luke Orombi will hand over the pastoral gear to Archbishop-elect the Rt. Rev. Stanley Ntagali.

CHILD NEGLECT ON THE RISE IN GULU DISTRICT

Reports from child and family protection unit and Human right Focus in Gulu indicate that cases of human rights’ abuses in the district is steadily increasing with child and family neglect topping the list.

Speaking to Speak FM yesterday, Ngamita Shelley, the officer-in-charge of child and family protection unit Gulu said, in September they recorded 34 cases of child neglect and 20 domestic violence cases.

Yesterday morning, an 87 year old Eronesto Okullu, resident of Bwonagweno in Laroo Division stormed the child and family protection unit for help after his son Bob Okullu beat-up and abandoned his five children.

The highly recorded abuses in the child and family protection unit are child dumping by mostly underage mothers, threatening desertion, denial of a child right to study and abuses of pupils by teachers.

Peace in your own words and understanding.

In my programme you and your work, i engaged the listeners always to have their say on what they often hear  about but have never had the chance to speak out.

I asked what they understand by the word peace.” Peace has been defined by many scholars but according to their understanding or research but before you can one can practice something or be an advocate of something, he or she have their own understanding of what it is.”

Mzee Okumu from Lacor in Gulu District called in and said to him peace begins with an individual, in their minds, relationships with their family before coming out to the community or society, be he leader or not.

Adong Lucy from Telagopa says that peace is when you have the freedom to say what you want and you say it without being oppressed be it in your own house or in public.She adds that peace goes  hand in hand with respect from both the husband and wife for a family as the smallest unit of the nation to coexist especially peacefully in the house.

Many of the callers also agreed that respect for human rights to freely live and go about their business in accordance with the law brings about peace in the community. But in some instances such freedoms have been infringed on by state agents who try to cover up their wrong doings like committing offenses like unnecessary beating and throwing tear gas during chaotic scenes for instance demonstrations or protests that in most cases begin peacefully but turn out to be violent when police appears at the scene.

Human Rights Watch carried out investigations into fatal and non-fatal shootings by the security forces, as well as abuses such as beatings, theft, and rape that occurred on three of the most violent days of the demonstrations, April 14, 21, and 29, 2011. Based on multiple eyewitness accounts, Human Rights Watch documented at least nine unarmed people killed by government forces – six in Kampala, two in Gulu, and one in Masaka – none of whom were actively involved in rioting.

Therefore, many look at peace as silence of the gun and also peace in the family, respect for human rights and having leaders account for their work in their offices.