Interview with Domestic Violence survivor from Gira Gira Parish, Lamogi Sub county,Amuru District, Northern Uganda, East Africa. A Tale of endless suffering for single mothers who through thick and thin hold on to life for the sake of their children. I bring to you a single mothers in tears, hanging on tight to hope for a better tomorrow.
Reporter
Dear listener, I am Abalo Irene Otto for Voices for Peace. I am here at Olwal trading center in the market where people are selling. Let me sit close to this woman selling simsim. What is your name?
Ayet Nighty
My name is Ayet Nighty.
Reporter
Where do you stay?
Ayet Nighty
I stay in Gira Gira Parish.
Reporter
Is there domestic violence where you stay?
Ayet Nighty
Yes, domestic violence is there between men and women. It is the men who always bring the violence in the house because for us women, a man may marry you and you begin to work for your family but when the money begins to increase, instead of using it for development in the house, the man will marry another woman. That is abuse of my right because he picks our money and uses it on the other woman without my notice. He forcefully takes things from your house and takes it in the house of your co-wife.
For me, I am already back at our home for 16 years. I left my husband in 2002, and we have 6 children.
My husband brought another woman and he started taking things from my house forcefully to take to the house of my co.
He started paying for my co’s dowry without my notice and they said no one should let me know. When he finished paying, he again started picking my bed from my house, my chairs and bicycle to give to my co. He removed most of the things from my house and took it to my co.
I had to sleep in the same bed with my children. Then we started disagreeing and he beat me up and throw me on fire. I got badly burnt.
Then I found that the marriages was useless because it did not even bring enough money in our home. You know the marriage of those days, the house for your money had to be there for people at your home to love you but for me I have six children without a house for money from my marriage.
I separated with my husband and I am now home for 16 years. My girl, my first born dropped out of school and is now married. I’m struggling to pay school fees from the boy now, who should have sat S4, is still in S3. I started paying for him from P1 to senior. Now as I talk he sat for exams but the results have been detained at the school because I have not yet finished paying the school fees.
When he goes to his father, he never buys for him anything, not even a needle, book or a pencil for his son.
Some people advise me to report him for abusing the children’s rights but others say woven if I report him, there is no money that they can transfer for the children to use because he does not work.
He says he has divorced me and does not want me and my children. It is true that even when there are problems concerning the children, he does not come to attend to it.
I am worried of my other child’s education because he calls me crying on phone because of school fees. I struggle and pay the little I have but I don’t know.
Reporter
So what do you see always causes domestic violence that results into divorce like in your case?
Ayet Nighty
What causes domestic violence is, if you work and do agriculture together with your husband and he has finished your dowry and there is peace in the house, he should put you down and talk to you if he wants to add another wife. If there is money and the things that you have worked for together, if he wants to bring another woman after the two of you discussing about it, it cannot cause domestic violence or divorce but if the money that you have worked for and your property is being used to marrying another woman, that is what leads to divorce.
He picked my things by force and used it to marry another woman and divorced me with my children. He has completely refused his own children and they are now growing up with my people at our home. But it is only the eldest one who is concentrating in school, the rest have become rebellious to me. You know, a woman’s teaching alone cannot raise a good child as expected of her.
My people have also said they cannot beat or train the children the way they should go because the children may take it that they are being mistreated. So my brothers do not beat the children or say anything on what they do.
Concerning education, my brothers said they cannot help me because they also have their own children in secondary schools which I do not mind because I know that it is difficult to get money to pay school fees in senior for their children and mine.
Reporter
So what has been the effect of the divorce on you and the children?
Ayet Nighty
They children are spoilt. When a child has only one parent, they become unruly. It is good that children are raised by both parents. The mother teaches what she can and the father also contributes on his part then the children will grow up disciplined but if it is only the mother, such children become unruly. Because if the child grows to a certain level, you cannot even beat to discipline, he may end up beating you instead.
It is goo that both parents should stay together and if you are a woman, whenever you go out with other men, you should know that you are the one destroying your marriage and if there is a man also going out with other women, they should know that it derails children from following their teachings.
Reporter
So what do you think should be done to prevent or stop domestic violence between men and women?
Ayet Nighty
I think they should begin arresting and imprisoning men who waste people’s time. Like the father of my children, when the children go to ask for money from them, he abuses them, he uses words on me that are not good for the children yet I am not there with him. He tells the children that I left because of my stupidity but up to now I do not reach where he is.
I left many things behind when we divorced. They have sold my five cows, my seven sacks of ground nuts that I had harvested were also sold and I never got even fifty shillings from it, a sack of beans, a sack of sim sim that he had bought for us to use, I had started selling it but I carried all the money and give it to him.
Because my father is rude, if you take anything from your marital home and chases you away to take them back. So I left without anything and now my co-wife used up all my things even the cows were sold and they wasted the money. The only things remaining are my household items that they are now using.
Reporter
What is your last message to the listener out there on domestic violence?
Ayet Nighty
Men should be arrested and imprisoned. If all people could listen to me, men who are properly taking care of their wife and children should be left alone but they should imprison those who are acting mad and leaving the responsibilities of children on the woman alone. That is why during the Kony war, some people would come and abduct or even kill people in their own homes because of the bitterness in their hearts for not being properly cared for by their parents.
So if the government learns that the man just wants to leave responsibilities on his wife, he should be arrested and imprisoned so that he can come out reformed. If there are women also who practicing prostitution are and yet the man has put such a woman in the house for a wife and is playing his roles in the marriage, such a woman should also be imprisoned. Imprisonment should be both sides so that people can learn.
If you are a man and you have worked together with your wife and the harvest is good but you decide to sell off things to marry another woman neglecting the children with your first wife leading to children growing up anyhow, that is why we have many thieves because they become big headed. The girls drop out of school and accept marriage at an early age. This has brought for u many problems now, imprisonment should be there for such people.
Reporter
Thank You.
Solution Journalism - Uganda 